thoughts

Moses

This post was originally about how I was trying to convince myself I was supposed to be here, because I was not sure about staying in Korea. Then a couple of days ago, actually the day after I was having questions and doubts, I opened up my devotional. 

My family and I were on our way to Busan for my cousin’s wedding. It was a 5 hour drive, so I decided to open up my devotional. The date was, October 13th, and the devotional was about Moses. It was about how God revealed His plan for Moses well before he actually did anything for the Israelites under the Pharaoh’s rule. God trained and disciplined him for 40 years, because even though he was the person for the job, he wasn’t in the right oneness with God. He kept going and said that God brings us into our own 40 year discouragement in the wilderness because we need to get into God’s stride. Stop focusing on what we need to do in the future and develop a closer relationship with God.

Afterwards, I sat in disbelief. The same thing happened while I was on the plane to Korea, where a devotional was literally what I needed to hear. I just sat there thanking God, and fearing God. God has never been this clear to me, and it’s a little scary because now I can’t ignore him. I can’t use His lack of clarity as an excuse not to do what He says. On the other hand, I’m excited for what God will do here.

Man. God is good.

Running

I’m now in Korea, and one of the things I do most is go out with my friends. YOLO! I’m kidding…! I haven’t gone out to drink and I don’t plan too. Anyways, now that I’m in Korea I go running with my dad every other morning. The first time we went running, we went through this route toward the mountains. Naturally I let him lead because I didn’t know where we were going, and as we ran a second lap my dad starting getting tired. He told me to run on ahead and he would follow me instead. 

I don’t think much while I’m running, and usually what goes through my mind is, “Why is running so hard?” This time however, I started thinking about how symbolic that moment was for where we are in our lives. I’m at the age where I’m going to have to support myself and a family (someday soon I hope), and my dad is at the age where your body gives up on you and you have to let others help you. When he told me to run on ahead, if felt like he was saying “now that I have lead you to adulthood, go on your own race.” I’ve been thinking about that every time we go running, because soon we won’t have time to go running with just the two of us.

October 4th

October 4th is the day I left for Korea at 6:05am. Everyone had various opinions on if I should go or not, and even I was not very sure about going to Korea. While I was on the plane, I became nervous. So I prayed and I opened up my devotional. I did the devotional for Oct. 4th in, My Utmost for His Highest, and I was completely humbled, blessed, and challenged.

The devotional was titled, Vision and Reality, and in it Chambers discussed how people are given visions by God but how we fail as human beings to follow through, to be trained. He discussed how we instead like to live in the memory of the vision and not let the vision turned into actual character. And he finishes by saying, when Our God says do, He will not give up until we follow His will. 

I know some people believe in coincidences and some believe in fate, regardless of which you follow to me this was a very direct message from God. His message was that while I was here, I will be “battr’d to shape and used by God,” that while I’m here I will build character, and that I must not give up until those visions become reality. All the things I want to do in the future, depends on what I learn and how I learn here. 

I hope with everything in me that I will be able to follow through.

OIL 2012 and White Shoes

I just got back from OIL. I have to say it was pretty awesome. It was a great reminder of remembering to feed my own experiential relationship with Jesus but not forgetting God’s heart for the lost, broken, and oppressed. 

During OIL, as I would pray I would look down at my shoes. My shoes used to be pure white and had no blemish or marks. I used to be so careful to make sure I never got them dirty. Now, they have dirt marks and scratches from God knows when.

When I became a Christian, God washed me white as snow from all my sins, but having a dual spiritual and sinful nature I still sinned. Over time, I became okay with the sins in my life. In my walk with God,  the scars, blemishes, and dirt in my heart became a norm. I never took the time to truly repent. 

Although my shoes right now will never be clean like they used too, Jesus has cleansed my heart once and for all. 

Why don’t we love?

The answer seems obvious enough. We are sinners therefore because of our sin we don’t love people. This is too simple. If you lump everything together with sin and selfishness you don’t get at the root of the problem. 

There are people in this world who need love, and the people who need love the most are usually the hardest to love. An ex-convict, a mentally challenged person, a homeless person, or even someone who annoys you are just some examples. Why is it so hard to love these people? I think it’s because they don’t give us what we want. We want to feel accepted, comfortable, affirmed, excited, relaxed, cool, or know there is some kind of benefit knowing that person. 

Our lack of love comes from our inability to be loved.  Why is is so hard to be loved by an gracious, sacrificial, all-powerful, loving.. (the list goes on and on) God? We look for love and comfort in friends, our accomplishments, school, drugs, alcohol, youtube, facebook, and laziness. We find things to love and be loved by everything but Jesus. Even though Jesus is right there, we refuse to let Jesus love us. This is not because Jesus’ love is imperfect, instead its because we can’t be still and know Jesus. So how can we love those that need love the most? Simple, by being loved by Christ, because you know that moment where we feel the overwhelming love and grace of God melting our hardened hearts are humbled and we realize God has an immense capacity to love us, even with all of our impulses to leave Him. We see that God has the same heart for those who we have a difficult time loving. We see that if God can love us, how can we NOT love them and show them the same grace and love. We are no better or worse than one another, we all need God’s grace and love daily.  

Don’t get me wrong,  anyone who knows me I’m the worst at loving others. I write this not to condemn anyone, but to help others not to make the same mistakes.

A True Man

In my J300 class, we’ve been going over militarism vs pacificism. We looked at the world from the point of view from the pro war side and pro peace side, and we noticed that many of the accusations pro military side cited against pacifists were that they were in the end females. They were cowards, too-emotional, idealistic, and naive. These are classic sexist characterizations of women in the past and present now. 

It got me thinking about what it means to be a “man.” Is a man someone who joins the military? Is a true man kill others as soldiers? Are true men violent and aggressive? 

I absolutely disagree. A true man is peaceful. A true man has patience. A true man is wise. A true man is willing to sacrifice their life than take someone else’s. A true man lives to protect others than kill to protect.

Oddly, a true man sounds a lot like Jesus. If this is true than why do we think men are x,y, and z when Jesus the true and ultimate man sacrificed his life to save humanity. He didn’t kill the sinners to protect the saints. No, he became nothing he gave up his pride, his position, and life so he could save people like me. He didn’t come as a conquerer but as a servant. He wasn’t impulsive, in fact he waited 30 years to begin his ministry. He used violence and aggression when His Father was insulted, but he didn’t kill or injure anyone. 

I’m sick of “men.” I’d like to meet and be a true man like Jesus someday.

fatigue

I’ve been feeling tired for a while now. You know the tired where you can’t get up in the morning. The tired that makes it hard to smile. The tired that slowly evovles into apathy.

But I’ve been feeling joy for a while now too.  The joy that ushers you to get up. The kind of joy that persists in your agony.The joy that comes when you’ve lost all else. The joy that meets you where you are. The kind of joy only the Father can give.

In the end, I’ve realized I always give up too easily when the going gets tough. I’m sick of it. One thing I’ve learned is when you serve God, He will fill you. If you get tired, he will give you joy. Not the “instant-gratification” kind of pleasure and happiness you wish for, but the eternal joy that fills you parched core. 

If things get harder, grab a hold of God.

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me ”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoidtF64JEg

Redemption

The symbol of Christianity is the cross. Christians suffer guilt from their sins. Christians focus on dying for Christ. Christians are accused being hypocritical unloving pricks.

Maybe the symbol of Christianity needs to be Jesus’ resurrection. That Jesus didn’t only die for our sins, he rose again and took them away. Maybe then, Christians will be willing to live for Jesus. Maybe then, Christians will finally feel their sins be lifted as Jesus was lifted into Heaven. And maybe then, Christians will learn to love because they will feel Christ’s love rather than the morbidity of sin.

The Future

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the “present.”

-Master Oogway

Why is our society so future oriented? Why can’t we enjoy the present and live in the present? Something I’ve learned from getting to know Baladan and Jitak is enjoy your life and LIVE in the present. There is no use worrying about the future. It’s not going to come faster or slower depending on your anxiety. 

God has a plan for each of us. We just need to be ready for it.

If you haven’t noticed by now, since winter break started. I have a lot more time on my hands, so enjoy these posts my followers. They may end when break ends. I hope y’all are having a great break!